i fucking HATE the yankees...

I grew up in that very small stretch of time when the Yankees weren't terribly good. This was right before 1996, when they kicked off their stretch of dominance that has lasted until today and shows no signs of abating. And I tell you that I grew up in this time period because that is same bullshit excuse every fuckface Yankee fan my age will give you for being a Yankees fan. "Well, they weren't good when I was a kid!" Of course not. They were just a poor little team that also happened to be the most storied franchise in the history of North American sport. YOU POOR CHILD. I'M SO SORRY THAT FIVE RINGS WILL NEVER MAKE UP FOR THE FACT THAT DONNIE BASEBALL NEVER GOT ONE FOR HIMSELF.

There are many reasons to despise the Yankees, of course. I hate their fans. I hate the fact that they swindled a city out of a billion dollars to build a stadium that is an exact replica of the previous, shitty stadium they just had. I hate that the city was stupid enough to go along with it. I hate that, after George Steinbrenner died, I was told a zillion times, "Well, you didn't have to like him. But you had to RESPECT him." No, I don't. I don't have to respect that decaying bag of rotting bones at all. George Steinbrenner was a criminal and a fucking asshole. Even worse, he made it so that Yankees fans are now PROUD to be assholes, even prouder than before. It's as if the stands at Yankee Stadium are filled with a bunch of little tiny Steinbrenners, all of whom feel permitted to be as bombastic and knee-jerk as that dead fuck. THAT is the legacy Steinbrenner will leave.

I hate the phrase "True Yankee," even when used derisively by people who do not like the Yankees. I hate the security guards at the Stadium, who all deserve to be stabbed to death. I hate that this team acted like it rebuilt the Twin Towers after 9/11 while simultaneously forcing fans to throw out water at the gate in a bullshit security measure so that they'd have to pay $7 for a bottle of Dasani inside the park. I hate "God Bless America," which is a shitty song and makes New Yorkers look like brain-dead Texans every time they're forced to stand up and sing it. I hate the 4 train, which is fucking AGONY to ride.

Most of all, I hate that this organization acts as if it's the soul of a city when, personality-wise, it has NOTHING in common with the New York I know. The New York I know has shitloads of personality. It's a brilliant place where anyone is free to try and make it, free to leave if they fail, and always encouraged to have a good time in between. The Yankees, on the other hand, are bunch of personality-free, militaristic fuckwads who are NEVER fun. Ever. They have nothing to do with what makes New York awesome, and the fact that they think they do is a fucking joke.