who am i ?

i act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess, but I became an anal porn star. My body is full of plastic surgery. The reason why my hair is beautiful is because its fake. I was also jealous of Paris Hilton and put out a SEX TAPE because she did. I idolized Paris Hilton. I used to hang on her like a koala bear all the time, to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. Until 2oo7 I did cocaine. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

My pimp mother, Kris, fucked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. He was one of the lawyers that helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. 

Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Vivid Entertainment, and they paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. I tricked Ray Jay into making a porn film with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows what happened! I am just waiting for him, and many more, to come out and reveal how I really am.

My ex husband Damon Thomas whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber, and a cheater. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all to attend. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but I’m too cheap to buy their lunch like she does.

I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I have never worked out in my life. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my horrendous performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like an unmusical, tone deaf, four year old who wants a cookie from Grandma.

We, the Kardashians, call each other dolls, and I alone have tainted the pussycat dolls by heisting their concept. I tried to fuck over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. It was unfortunately taken off the market after 1 week under threat of legal action from several states. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids with glam silly bandz. 

I Stole $120k from Ray J and Brandy’s mother, Sonja Norwood, credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life, Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. I don’t even know how to sew on a button or sketch anything. But I call myself a fashion designer. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip of from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M. I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo ass. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and soon Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fucked, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash and that brings their reputations down to the gutter with mine. I will fuck anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar