Dear Robert...

Dear Boyfriend,

Before I met you, I was fragile and torn apart. Quite frankly, I was torn apart and broken into a million little pieces which I thought could never be whole again. But, by the time I met you, my life was now starting to get back on track and the broken pieces were finding itself back together — some way, some how. And now, during the time that we have been together, it’s as though those pieces where never broken and I am happier than ever, so I want to thank you.

Thank You for the big things and even more importantly, for the smaller things — because those morning calls really set the tone for my day and I still get butterflies in my stomach when you hold my hand.

Thank You for accepting me — flaws and all because there is no better feeling than when someone sees you as perfect in their eyes.

Thank You for making time for me — because you’re never too busy to call, never too busy to text and never too busy for pizza night even when you have to wake up at 4:30am. 

Thank You for being that person that I can trust. 

Thank You for being honest — because sometimes I need it even when I don’t want it.

Thank You for being genuine — because who really has time for the fake crap anyway?

Thank You for not taking me for granted — because asking me about my day, or my opinions and always thinking about how I’d feel truly makes me feel appreciated.

Thank You for respecting me and our relationship — because you don’t give with the expectation of receiving but you give because you truly understand boundaries without me having to tell you what those boundaries are. 

And lastly, thank you for being you — a patient, kind and intelligent soul who makes all of my days that much better. The skies are bluer with you, the trees are greener with you and my smiles are broader because of you. So thank you, for being that person who I cannot envision my life without.

Sincerely,

Your Forever Grateful Girlfriend

#PrayForGaza

"You don't need to be Muslim to stand up for Gaza, you just need to be human"

On July 17, 2014, Israel launched a ground attack against Gaza. The cheering and excitement from the so-called “Christian” community could be heard around the world. Main Stream Media was soundly behind the attacks, talking endlessly in an attempt to justify the slaughter that would be the result. Never mind that there were thousands and thousands of Palestinian’s subject to that attack. And pay no attention to the fact that our government through successive administrations, has routinely stuck their noses into the business of numerous countries around the globe claiming human rights violations as the excuse. Yet they sit silent about the genocide of the Palestinians and send weapons, financial aid, even a few hundred nuclear bunker buster’s to Israel and publicly state that we support Israel.

I do not and will not support the genocide of any population, by anyone for any reason. I do not support any political party, church or religion that condones, encourages and revels in the genocide of any one, for any reason.

I am vehemently opposed to supporting the practice of genocide. I don’t care who is doing it. What they claim their reasons are, or what religion or political ideology they claim is validating their support.

Never mind that food, clean water, medical supplies and anything else of necessity had been withheld from the Palestinian people for years. Pay no attention to the fact that the Israeli’s had been given a parcel of land belonging to the Palestinian’s, and that subsequent to that gift, has launched more than 300 attacks against their neighboring countries in the 65 years or so since then. Don’t think about the fact that Israel isn't just this “tiny little piece of land”, but has instead, as a result of the ongoing aggression against its neighbors, become quite a large territory.

why i run: color vibe

Sometimes you just gotta let loose, get together with some good friends, and have fun! That was the whole point of this run for me. I really wasn't sure what to expect going into a The Color Vibe Run. When I was describing it to people I felt a little stupid by saying that you dress in white and then people throw colored cornstarch at you. Doesn't that sound like fun?
I will let the pictures speak for themselves:

















I would do this again in a heart beat!

Not knowing what to expect, I would have to say that it was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I had been looking forward to it, but I had no idea what a great time I would have. I'm sure it had something to do with the company I was with, but the music and the vibrant colors and acting like a kid again had to be the best part!

get your sh*t together.

1. Stop smoking, drinking, and using drugs.

Hell, I probably solved 90% of the world's problems right there. Give up these three habits, and you will be first class among People Who Have Their Shit Together. It will amaze you how much better you feel, how much money you have, and how much better your life will go if you give up booze, cigarettes, and the crack pipe. Some will say "moderation in all things," but I've never seen those people exercise any moderation when they say that. It is just a cop-out to keep doing what they are doing.

2. Get a job.

This advice alone probably solved about 6% of the rest of the problems in this country. Having a job means an income, a place to stay, social involvement, daily exercise, etc. People will claim that times are hard, but this is bullshit. There is always a job because there is always work to be done. When people say they can't find a job, what they really mean is they still have three months of unemployment left to collect, or they don't want to take some "menial" job that involves serving food or cutting grass. I'd be more ashamed of being a bum than being a burger flipper or a landscaper. Quit your excuse making and get a fucking job.

3. Spend less than you earn.

Cut up those credit cards and quit eating out. Pay off your debts. Open a savings account and put money in it. Simple math. Put away $100 a week, and you will have $5200 saved in a year. This will fully fund your IRA for the year and give you a big chunk left over. Bank your tax refund as well, and your money problems are over.

4. Eat healthy and exercise.

This is the one most people can't get straight in their lives. This is because we are programmed by biology to amass calories and conserve energy. Nature works. The answer is to stop eating high fat and high sugar foods. Eating healthy will not leave you hungry. Fad diets will. Just skip McDonald's and go to Subway. Have fruit instead of ice cream and cheesecake. As for exercise, walk for an hour per day. Last time I checked, this was free. The pounds will just drop off. You will have more energy. You don't need to eat like an Ethiopian or complete an Ironman to be healthy and in shape. Marginal changes in this area will produce massive results.

5. Dispose, clean, and organize.

Got a closet full of shit? Empty it. Desk full of clutter? Get a Hefty bag and throw that shit away. Storage rental full of shit you can't throw away? Rent a truck and haul it off to the dump. If you don't need it, then you don't need it.

6. Dump your piece of shit significant other.

Even if you get your shit together, other people in your life will cause you grief, and this is usually the person you share a bed with. Drug abuse can break up a relationship as well as money problems. Even becoming a runner can do this. If you have your shit together, you can't be with a person who doesn't have their shit together. It doesn't work. The disharmony will cause the whole thing to fly to pieces, and I can tell you from personal experience that you can't get someone else's shit together for them. They can tear your shit apart and almost certainly will if you stay with them. Get rid of them. Having your shit together and being alone is better than living in the shit with a fuck up.

That's it, folks. Five pieces of solid time tested advice. It is all very uncomplicated and basic. Your life won't be perfect because shit happens. But no one will ever say that it was your own damn fault, and that means a whole lot.

As for me, I'm still working on #1 of getting my shit together.

Santa's Demon

Now available, from Extortion Merchandise Inc… Elf on the Shelf! This is the latest horrifying commercialization of Christmas -- a product you have to buy for your child or suffer the consequences, because all their friends have one. And if all your child’s friends DO have one, you will look like a big fat asshole for depriving your child of the opportunity to have a creepy stalker on-premises to spy on your child and report their every move back to the big boss at the North Pole. Don’t know how to parent? Can’t possibly control your kids without a miniature Chucky doll to keep them in line? Elf on the Shelf!

What kind of asshole merchandises such an awful product? A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE, that’s what kind. In my town, this dumbass product has spread like mouth herpes at a frat house party. In case you aren’t lucky enough to have been subject to this merry extortion, let me explain.

According to their website, Elf on the Shelf is “A Christmas Tradition is the very special tool that helps Santa know who to put on the Naughty and Nice list.” Firstly, nice fucking grammar, idiots. Secondly, the truth is, Elf on the Shelf is a hideously ugly little gremlin fucker that comes with a self-serving, spooky-ass story book. The book explains that the elf is your own personal stalker, who spies on your every move all day and flies to the North Pole to narc on you to Santa at night. When he returns and breaks into your house every morning, he is always in a different place. Is it just me or does that not sound like the plot of every homicidal doll movie? You turn around and the Chucky doll or ventriloquist dummy or carnivorous clown is leering at you from a new location in your house.

Creepy, right? I already own a Furby, which is spooky as shit, can’t I just have him stand guard on my son’s room and terrify him into behaving? Or wouldn’t a canine shock collar be more immediate? Or I could just try PARENTING, hmmmm... that's just crazy enough to work.

Here’s the funny part. At some point, all your kids friends will have them, they cost $30 each, but the kids think all they have to do is “make three wishes” and they get one. They don’t even know it’s a product for sale in stores at a bullshit price. What happens when your little angel sees this pricey mutant freak "on the shelf" at Target?? Hmmmm????

Between Santa and the Tooth Fairy, I feel like I tell my child enough bald-face lies throughout the year. You have to move the little assload around EVERY NIGHT or your children will think the elf and Santa FORGOT ABOUT HIM/HER because they are AWFUL CHILDREN. Glad you don’t have enough to do, parents.

Since the creator of this bullshit product is probably swimming in a drifting pool of finely powdered cocaine every night, he/she might want to think about how to continue to support the lifestyle they have undoubtedly become accustomed to. In the spirit of the chia pet, in which the creators “spun off” several different versions of the same lame piece of crap.

So, thanks to the pansy-ass parents in my life who wouldn't resist the trend, I had to sit my four-year old down today and explain to him that I wasn't going to allow the three wishes of doom, that having a stalker elf in the house was "Way creepy and gross" and furthermore, "That sounds like something only for really awful, naughty kids and you're a GOOD kid, you don't want some stalker elf spying on YOU, you're already getting great presents."